There are three kinds of friends. First there is the friend who you can call at 2:00 a.m. because you are taking your son to the hospital and you need someone sane to talk you through the next few minutes. You know each other’s stories and you have each other’s back. This is the kind of friend you’d lay your life on the line for. You only find this kind of friend a few times in a lifetime. Never let that friend go.
The second kind friend likes the same football team as you, and is fun to chat with over lunch. They’ll give you a ride to the airport if you need it, and you enjoy reading about their family on Facebook. You share a similar sense of humor and you’re always glad to help each other out. You have had many friends like this through the years.
The third kind of friend isn’t a friend at all. Their motivation is always what they can get from you. They only call when they have a question or a need. When you get together over coffee the conversation is about their job, their family, their life. If they think you have influence, resources or connections that will help them do what they want to do they are around. When you no longer are useful they disappear. It is always painful when you discover someone is this type of friend.
My goal in life is to avoid being, or being around, the third type of friend. Life is too short to waste on such shallow people. When I was at Saddleback I had “friends” who thought I could get them access to Rick Warren. When I was at Exponential I had “friends” who thought I could get them a platform for their book. Now I discover “friends” who think I can get them money for their ministry. I received another invitation to connect with someone recently who wants me to “partner” with their ministry. They aren’t interested in my life, my ministry or my wisdom; they just want to know how much cash I can bring to the table. When they find out my budget is already committed for the year I’m pretty sure our newly formed friendship will end.
What if we stopped using people to get ahead? What if we stopped seeing relationships as a way to advance our agenda? Let’s grab coffee. Let’s swap war stories. Let’s get to know each other’s hurts and worries. Let’s laugh together, plan together and pray together. In other words let’s be friends. And you know what? If you are my friend there’s very little I won’t do to help you.
