There has been a great deal of controversy around Gillette’s commercial in which they address “toxic masculinity” played out in a “boys will be boys” mindset, bullying and objectification of women. Whether you agree or disagree with the viewpoint of the commercial, I think it raises an important question for church leadership, “Is this the best a man can get?”
As I look at church leadership in America, which remains predominately male, I am challenged by the question. Regardless of our theological nuances, do we believe that the picture we convey of a male Christian leader, not the one we espouse but the one we live out, reflects healthy male leaders in scripture? Of particular concern is how we relate to women.
The model
As in everything in life Jesus is our model. Our template for behavior and attitude starts and ends with him. How did he relate to women? Over and over again we see Jesus treating women as equals to men in a culture where they were considered little more than property. He did not objectify them, and he did not treat them as weak or helpless. He did not create barriers between himself and women, and he never put a woman in a compromising position. He defended women in front of men, not because they were weak but because the men held all the power. Jesus is the model of the best a man can get.
The Apostle Paul followed in Jesus’ footsteps in setting the standard for male leaders interacting with women. We often focus Paul’s instructions on differences in the roles of men and women in very specific cultural situations, but we lose sight of how Paul consistently partnered with women in leading the early church. In Romans 16 Paul makes it crystal clear that he valued the contribution of women equally with that of men.
The Bible sets a very high standard for men, especially in how we relate to women. My fear is that in America we are falling well short of that standard and we’re continually wounding our wives, sisters and daughters. Here are a few of the ways I see we are coming short of reflecting the models of Jesus and Paul:
No women at the leadership table
It is very common to have no women at the table when major church decisions are made. This in spite of the fact women make up the majority of many churches. The ironic thing is that churches that stress the differences in men and women most emphatically are the least likely to include women in decisions. If women and men are so different, and they are, why do men think they don’t need a woman’s perspective at the table? I’m often told they don’t need women at the table because they talk to their wives. I wonder how that would play if women used the same excuse when leading, “I don’t need your input because I already asked my husband”?
Women restricted to leading either women’s or children’s ministry
Some women are wired up to lead women and children in your church. Other women are gifted to lead small groups, or discipleship, or communication or finance. When we restrict a woman to very specific roles we lost the opportunity to benefit from a wide range of gifting, and we block a woman from serving in the way God created her.
Only certain roles for women celebrated
Some women stay at home, and some work outside the home. Some are single, and some are married, divorced or widowed. Despite this diversity, churches often celebrate only one or two “ideal” roles for women. Unintentionally this devalues women who don’t fit this mold.
Women are patronized
Although most churches have moved beyond the typical secretarial stereotype they still patronize women in administrative roles. Their opinions carry less weight than men’s, if their opinions are sought at all. Men are described as “good leaders with strong opinions” while women are pigeon-holed as “hard to work with” and worse.
Men and women being treated differently when there is a moral failure
When a male leader is caught in a moral failure with a woman the man is often treated differently than the woman. This pattern goes all they way back to the woman caught in adultery in John 8. The woman was humiliated in front of Jesus while the man was allowed to sneak away.
Can we do better?
I am painting with a broad brush; there are many churches that do a tremendous job celebrating the leadership gifts of both men and women while honoring their unique roles. My fear, however, is too often we hide behind our interpretation of Biblical masculinity, mixed with insecurity and misogyny, to hinder and harm the women in our church. I’m also concerned that we hamper the spread of the Gospel as people outside the church see how we treat women and say, “No thanks”. I think we need to continue to ask ourselves and each other, “Is This the Best a Man Can Get?”
