The first time I heard Bill Hybels speak was at Willow’s 1994 Prevailing Church Conference. I sat on the right side of the old auditorium, by the windows that overlooked the pond. Bill’s topic that morning was People Matter to God. It was the first time I heard words like seeker, excellence and relevance in reference to a church. I remained in my chair long after everyone else hurried off to workshops, tears streaming down my face. I had been in church all of my life, I had been a youth pastor for 12 years, but it felt like the first time I really understood what church was all about. I connected so deeply with what I’d just heard in that auditorium in the suburbs of Chicago I knew my life and ministry would never be the same. I was right.
In the 24 years since I have lost count of the number of Willow Creek Conferences and Global Leadership Summits I’ve attended. I remember hearing a little known speaker named John Ortberg teach at his first Willow Creek Conference. I was at the GLS in Chicago the year Bill Clinton unexpectedly showed up to discuss the Monica Lewinsky affair. Much of what I think about ministry and church were shaped either by a message Bill gave, a book Bill wrote, or a conference Bill led. No one has had more influence on my ministry than Bill Hybels.
As I watched Bill give his final address to Willow a couple of nights ago I again fought back tears. He is leaving under a cloud of accusations and suspicion, his legacy tarnished beyond repair. The man who taught me, and many of my peers, about leadership, character and integrity has lost his platform and his voice.
I know that we follow God not men, that I can never let my guard down, that I have to run to the finish line. I know to create boundaries and accountability and rules to make sure I never disqualify myself from ministry and embarrass my friends and family. I know these things because I learned them from Bill; now he’s out of the game.
I don’t know if Bill did any of the things of which he is accused. What I know is that a man I’ve admired for many a years, a man who has had an outsize impact for good around the world, a man who has avoided the hint of scandal until now, is disgraced and silenced. It does no good for me to focus on what Bill did or not do; the only thing I can do is focus on what I can learn.
Since the news of the accusations first broke I have done a deep and difficult inventory of 35+ years of ministry looking for places I’ve missed the mark. Have I put someone of the opposite sex in an uncomfortable situation? Have I done or said things that were suggestive or out of bounds? Are there boundaries that I’ve knowingly or unknowingly crossed?
I’ve also had some challenging conversations with Sherry asking her to help me think back and point out blindspots in my conduct, words and posture that might be misconstrued. The thing about blindspots is that you can’t see them no matter how hard you try. I don’t remember missing the mark in this area, but if I have I want to know.
Going forward I will not marginalize women because of my own paranoia, neither will I trust that I always understand the potential impact of words or actions. There may come a day when there are accusations against me that I am unable to prove false, but I want to finish my ministry knowing that before God and my wife I have done everything in my power to walk in integrity without causing others to stumble. I want more than ever to finish well.
